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Friday 28th of March 2025 16:00:00

TODAY'S NEWS AND JOKES

MARCH 25, 2025

WORLD LEADERS IN DISARRAY AS CHINESE PRESIDENT DECLARES WAR ON PIZZA

Beijing, China - In a shocking move, Chinese President Xi Jinping announced today that his country is officially at war with pizza. The declaration, made during a televised address to the nation, left world leaders scrambling to respond.

According to sources, the decision was made after a group of Chinese diplomats visited a popular pizza joint in Beijing and were appalled by the lack of fortune cookies on the menu.

"We will not stand idly by while this culinary abomination is foisted upon our people," President Jinping declared. "We will fight with every last noodle and dumpling to protect our right to a decent dessert topping."

The international community is in chaos as nations struggle to comprehend the implications of a global conflict over pizza toppings.

WHITE HOUSE RESPONDS WITH CONFUSION

Washington D.C. - The White House has issued a statement calling the Chinese declaration "unprecedented" and "utterly bizarre."

"We are working closely with our allies to determine the extent of this... unusual threat," said a spokesperson. "In the meantime, we urge all Americans to remain calm and carry on with their daily lives, unless they are in possession of a pizza, in which case they should probably just eat it quickly and get out of the way."

PIZZA INDUSTRY IN SHOCK

New York City - The pizza industry is reeling as the news of the war spreads.

"This is a dark day for humanity," said Joe's Pizza owner, Joe. "I mean, what's next? Are they going to declare war on ketchup or something?"

JOKES OF THE DAY

Why did the pizza go to war? Because it was feeling crusty!
What did the Chinese diplomat say to the pizza delivery guy? "I'll have the war, please."
Why did the pizza go to therapy? Because it was feeling saucy!

STAY TUNED FOR FURTHER UPDATES ON THIS DEVELOPING STORY